In the world of Tarot one of the meanings of the Chariot card is a conveyance of a person who’s stalled and who’s stuck not realizing they have the power to move forward. Another point of view is that the Chariot symbol is a way of discovering staying present in the moment. It is a doorway for you to make a decision and move on knowing whatever direction you choose the outcome will be victorious. The Chariot is about movement. However, sometimes when we are stuck and between cycles it feels dull and empty. We are in the void or as John of the Cross coined it so appropriately, “The dark night of the soul.” In my practice/life this is what I have been experiencing at my stage of evolution – being in the void, not feeling well and not knowing where to turn for comfort and well-being. These last few weeks having felt the gamut of all the emotions from deep disappointment, sadness and frustration to feeling disconnected and despair that my body wasn’t feeling the same vibrant health and euphoria that at times my soul was experiencing. Having crossed the river, this is what I have come to learn: at times like this as much as we resist these experiences and feel like we have failed ourselves or others (often not understanding why this is happening) these cycles are essential in our evolutionary process.
From my own perspective I love to feel well, to live in a state of Bliss. My preference would be to always align with the joy of feeling great in body, mind and soul. However, realizing from this latest adventure that not only can’t we go from one high to another we wouldn’t want to. Without these periods of rest and renewal we would never create the time to just be so we can integrate the knowledge of what we need to learn and experience its wisdom in the process. Joe Dispenza says it so beautifully in his writing, “When you take the emotional charge out of the past it becomes wisdom.” These cycles that sometimes cause us immense suffering is not because Spirit wants to destroy or hurt us but truly the opposite. These experiences/cycles are doing what there are doing to burn away the veils of illusions so the fullest of who you are can be revealed to you. According to Sally Kempton in her incredible course on ‘The Wisdom of the Goddess’ she tells us that, “The Goddess of Dhumavatis’ energies asks us to do — and often forces us to do — is really contemplate where we are and where we’re going. Again, from an esoteric point of view, the sages of the non-dual direct path teachings like Ramana Maharshi, Sankaracharya who was his predecessor, his ancestor, both write and say that what is ultimately real is that which remains present in deep sleep. In other words, when you’re not conscious. So in a sense, Dhumavati is the goddess of that which remains when everything else falls away. She’s a goddess of the void and emptiness in one way or another. We all need to flow through the Shakti of Dhumavati before we can experience the full opening of the other Goddesses like Lalita.”
So when you feel that depth of your deepest disappointment, as my parents always taught me, “don’t give up the ship and this too shall pass!” In surrendering to what is and learning to have compassion for yourself you will be at the precipice of a very deep and enlightening lesson; the lesson of humility. Once you open up your heart and accept what is, I promise you that when the happy times and joyful experiences come again you will be so humbled and grateful. As Janis Joplin sang, “Freedom is just another name for nothing left to lose!” So today I invite you to cultivate the ability to be much more loving to yourself. Let the love come in. Cultivate compassion for that which you feel is unloving in yourself or others. To know that whatever you are going through or experiencing, work to find compassion in what you may not have ordinarily have seen or felt before. Don’t get lost in your mind where we succumb to the limited definitions we have placed on ourselves. Especially because when you open up your heart and tune into a higher awareness The Divine will eclipse everything we think we know and up to now everything we thought we were. As Andrew Harvey states, “The ultimate in the end is that all of us become embodied flames of holy presence so beautiful in the way we are that others are intoxicated and enchanted at the most profound level as God has made us through Grace”. He goes on to say, “It goes beyond the deepest mystery as this transformation is destined to sanctify every single atom and cell in our entire being”.
In becoming A Divine Human as you go deeper into that void of emptiness and despair that space will fill up with something so wonderful and eventually will reveal to you something so profound and you will uncover another layer in the mystery of the Divine Being that you truly are!
I want to offer my profound appreciation to all the Goddesses and teachers who I have mentioned above and many more… and to my incredible supportive, loving friends and family who have loved me unconditionally through this process and finally to the Grace that has revealed itself to me in her incredible and vast greatness…